Monthly Archives: April 2009

One late March day Drew and I got married. At the King County Courthouse. With three people as witnesses.

No, you aren’t the only one who didn’t know about it.

We want to get married for intensely personal reasons, but rest assured they are born out of deep love and commitment (see: I’m not pregnant, no one needs a Green Card, etc.). We started talking about this step a while back – while we were in Berlin for his birthday in October, specifically. No date was chosen, no ring was exchanged, but an idea was hatched.

A little backstory is due, I suppose. I’ve been opposed to the idea of marriage for a while. I wondered to myself what was the point of it anyway – it doesn’t prevent heartache, or dissolution of relationships, or guarantee security in this fluid and unpredictable world. Plus, I’ve considered it an institution which privileges heterosexuals, and I can’t really get behind such a discriminatory notion.

Two things changed, forcing me to reconsider my position: Prop 8 and falling in love. Yes, I know Prop 8 wasn’t a win in California. But it did get me wondering what all the fuss was about (beyond the idea that *gasp* everyone should have equal access to state-sanctioned unions, if they choose to). It made me reconsider what marriage really is and why it was worth the fight. I have since concluded that it essentially a demarcation and symbol of a bond between two people. Whether it is love-driven, tradition-driven, situation-driven, etc., it is a way of shaking your collective fists to the world and saying “Fuck you, we’re stronger than you. I double-dog dare you to hurt my partner. I will knife you, so say we all.” That’s my take, anyway.

The falling in love part needs no explanation.

Oh, here’s a photo. It is intentionally unprofessional and casual, as we felt this was ultimately about us (we are, in every sense of being, casual and laidback), but it oozes the happiness we felt and the solidarity we exhibited in that courtroom to our families, to our friends, and to each other. That is why on a cold October night in Berlin, after three months of long-distance dating, we knew this is where our lives were heading. And it wasn’t scary at all.

(peeps: Zach, Drew, me, Justin, and Kat [sister-in-law has a weirdly awesome ring to it]. Photo by Judge Kato, the most awesome and personable Judge I’ve ever met. Not that I’ve met a lot, but you get the gist.)

The next day was my Grandpa’s birthday. I drove down to Gig Harbor to visit him in the aftercare facility* and answered his casual “What have you been up to during Spring Break” question with a nonchalant “I got married and went to the Space Needle.” It was priceless.

* This merits an entirely different post. It’s emotional, so it may take me a while. Apologies.