I was laying down, aware of the flood of sensations: the sharp, dry grass poking me in the back, the spreading warmth from the sun above my head, the heat coming off my dark hair. And in this summer sun, with the soft murmur of the music traveling through my headphones, I came up with a game. I wanted to see how still I could be and for what amount of time.

Light as a feather, stiff as a board, light as a feather, stiff as a board.

I kept looking down the length of my body to see if I could detect my chest rising and falling with my shallow gasps of air. I was clearly winning that battle. The twitches I felt traveling the length of my legs didn’t register on the outside and inside I did the smallest, most undetectable dance of obnoxious gloating. I let this battle of mind versus body entertain me for a long while.

My body finally won when my mind began to wander. The murmur of sound in my ears grew in volume and clarity. I suddenly heard the lyrics at the precise moment that mind became totally enraptured with what was pounding my ears…

I’m on the corner

Thinkin’ about my bed

He just stands still

And signifies

This perfect moment in the perfect sun with the perfect song (”Looks Just Like the Sun” by Broken Social Scene) segued into a maelstrom of sensations.

My body, still shaking off the rigidity I forced it into, slowly began to twitch to life.  First, my toes started to wiggle. Then those electric shocks running up my leg forced my knees to bend. Those neurons firing electrical impulses stopped at the top of my head. My bones and muscles and nerves were on high alert.

And suddenly there he was. I could feel my head propped up on his leg, his hand gently brushing the hair off my forehead. I felt so lost in this moment, these sensations, that I lost track of time. I wanted to spend this time with him rather than deal with anything OUT THERE.

Suddenly, I sat up in sheer panic. I was afraid that I slept through work or that some crazy person was standing at my feet staring at me.

Instead, there was no one.

I couldn’t tell if I felt relief or disappointment. I slowly rose, brushing off the stray pieces of grass that were clinging to my clothing, and began to walk off the most strange, most delightful, and most heartbreaking afternoon I’ve had in a long, long time.