Albuquerque is a strange, mysterious lady. In my youth I’d shove my fist into it’s face because I was so frustrated with constant ineptitude, lack of culture, and no future. I had a feeling that my window of opportunity to do something grand and important did not exist in New Mexico.
Predictably, I hightailed it out of there as soon as I could. I found a college in Illinois that was both physically and emotionally distant from New Mexico. I’d go back for holidays, convinced each trip would be my last.
As always, I was wrong. And with mounting excitement, I prepared for my reunion with the good ole Burque. In my quiet moments I would recall my favorite restaurants and parks. I would hear a song and it would take me back to my night drives through Tijeras with my windows down and my hand riding the wind.
And as the time came to land on the tarmac, my reality became topsy-turvy. I can’t quite pinpoint what changed, though I suspect we both did. I’ve lived a bit, seen some sights, read a few books, and changed my expectations. Albuquerque has also developed a bit, while keeping its endearing qualities.
Laying down to sleep with the gentle desert air cooling me down, I started to mull over the idea of living there again. I was startled by how deeply I appreciated the city: the heritage and culture, the food, the colors, the flat roofed adobe houses. I felt immediately reconnected with friends and was surprised by kind conversations with strangers. It felt light years away from Seattle, and it was perfect.
I’m still not sure where the future is. I’m aware I’ve romanticised Albuquerque because I was on vacation and I was able to stay in a beautiful house for which I was not paying a mortgage. But despite my rationality, my growing suspicion is “a life most enchanted” is not in Seattle. I am not sure if this makes me giddy or frightened.
5 Comments
What a lovely post. Having spent the first almost 13 years of my life living in Europe, specifically Italy, I can kind of relate. Though I left my birth country not by my choice, I have returned to it many a time, fighting with it constantly. Fighting with the urge of wanting to stay, the rationalizations that I could not, and perhaps the dream of returning once again.
I have made my life in the US, first in Texas, then New York. I don’t think I can go back. Too much has changed and, unfortunately, I am more American than ever. There is one place, however, that is tugging at me with a force that often is unsettling. And that place is New Mexico. Sure, there are more reasons for my wanting to live there than just its beauty, but I have found it, every time I go there, more and more appealing.
It sounds like you have made peace with Albuquerque.
ahhhh albuquerque how do I love thee. Everytime I make it back there I am instantly reminded of my fun teenage days of driving and tooling around the city with friends and that. How big the city was then…now its a fun escape but I dunno if I could raise a child there. I feel safer in NYC than I do in Albuquerque, though that city certainly has and always will have charm, and the bit about Tijeras, beautifully written…nothing like a drive through there on a cool summer evening…great post indeed.
Simply put, there are worse places in this world than Albuquerque, New Mexico. For instance:
Fallujah, Iraq
Beirut, Lebanon
Anywhere within 20 square miles of George W. Bush
Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada
Thats simply to name a few. You’re home is you’re home. We all (who grew up here) spent the most developing years of our life in Albuquerque, and you cant change THAT. It will always call you back.
@Ro – I can totally identify with that push/pull that you feel when you are back in Italy (while I cannot find a reason to not live there, I am not a native and see it in a totally different light). That’s exactly what caused my conflict when I am back. And for the first time I cannot say I will never live there again. How confusing.
@Shane – I can see the safety issue. In fact, even during our high school years, I can recall all those moments of silence that we’d have during our morning announcements. But I’ve found that if you are smart and avoid places that give you the creeps, you’ll be fine. What do you find unsafe specifically about Albuquerque?
@Ludie – You are totally right. That call is pretty loud right now, though I don’t know if it’s mostly nostalgia that is the cause or if it’s because it’s actually a cool place to live. Time will tell, I suppose.
Time will certainly tell… I think people place too much weight on “where” they live instead of “how” they live. But then again, I’m still living in Albuquerque ;o)