Two months later I finally added some holga shots from my trip to flickr to beef up my France set. I’ve sat there looking at the contact sheets for many weeks feeling unimpressed and disappointed. Unfortunately for me, while in Paris I was struck with “fear-of-taking-photo-itis”. You know, that illness that makes you so worried about being lumped into a lame group of people that I rarely took out the camera(s). Maybe this disease only runs rampant in Paris, where the outward disdain for tourists manifests in evil looks, insults being hurled, and elbows being thrown on the Metro. Or maybe it’s not that. I suppose a major concern was that the overwhelming beauty and awe I felt as I walked along small, winding, charming streets was never going to translate onto film. In hindsight I should have faced my fear of being seen as a tourist and shoved my fist in its face like any feisty Parisian. Instead I’m left with rolls of photos that I’m unimpressed by and a sinking feeling that I failed myself.
But before I slice my wrists, I have a roll of black and white 35mm developed and two more color rolls to go before I can get into full self-deprecating, navel gazing mode. Maybe I’ll post those shots somewhere. Maybe I won’t.
Spiritualized
Do you ever get those moments where you are so overwhelmed with life that your stomach gets all twittery and you are so swept up with taking it all in that you just want to ball up because you are going through sensory overload?
Perhaps it’s the FANTASTIC weather we have right now (mid-80’s) or the sappy ass music playing on my iPod or the fact that I am prone to bouts of sentimentality, but today just feels amazing. And overwhelming. It makes me want to put a blanket over my head because I am waiting for the inevitable low. This is, of course, what makes life dynamic.
And yes, I am a personality type 6.